Grieving

Hey, guys. Sorry for the delay in posting. I've been working through some stuff. A couple years ago, a good friend of mine was murdered. Her trial recently started back up and with that came a rush of emotion that I thought I'd already worked through. Along with that came additional grief from other losses I've dealt with. The whole losing people we love and having to deal with that for the rest of our lives is pretty awful.

Through life, you meet some amazing people. Friends, family, you name it. Depeding on a variety of factors, you may end up losing them. I don't just mean death. You can lose friendships, relationships, family members due to conflict.

The hardest part of any type of loss is the grieving. There's no set way to grieve. No rules. No instructions or guidelines. For me, if the loss is a death, I need to have a visual. A set in concrete image that the person I've lost is gone. A cemetary, a burial. It helps me know they're gone. Plus, it gives me a place I can go to "talk" to them. I do it with my grandpa fairly often.

I lost my uncle four years ago. He's yet to be buried. My aunt grieves in different ways than I do. But. That's okay. That's another hard part of grief. Not everyone does it the same way and sometimes that conflicts with your process of grieving. I'm still working on working through that. I'm having to find new ways to grieve. Which sucks, because like I said, no manual for it.

I'm also still working on the loss of the friend I mentioned earlier. She lived states away. I was able to go to the funeral, but have yet to visit her at the cemetary.

Grieving is a bitch. Pardon my language. But there's days where I seriously expect my uncle to walk through the door at a holiday/birthday party. There's days where I scroll through Facebook messenger, see my friends name, and want to send her a message. See what she's been up to.

The best grieving coping skill I've found is to do things your loved ones enjoyed or wanted you to do. Live your life to the fullest. My uncle loved joking around. So. I joke around all the time. My grandpa was the same. Just. Do things that'll make them proud if they were still around. Get married; even if they aren't there to walk you down the aisle. Have a family. Go to school. Finish your degree. Work hard for that promotion at work. Make a new friend. Give to someone who needs help more than you. Explore the world. Seriously, the hardest part of losing someone is having to understand that they won't be there to see you accomplish all that. Continuing to do those things will give you the sense that somewhere, somehow, they do know you've accomplished them and couldn't be prouder.

In my next post, I'll go more into the other kinds of grief that don't involve death. Until then, stay strong, friends. You got this.

Love, Aylin

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National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org

Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://www.contact-usa.org/chat.html

Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7)

Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228

Planned Parenthood Hotline: 1-800-230-PLAN (7526)

National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)

Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

(The above resources are obtained from https://www.psycom.net/get-help-mental-health )